Does the house have a septic tank? *shrug*
At the time of offer, negotiation, and closing, I had no idea what the answer was. We waived inspections as part of our offer, so I was basically just hoping for the best.
What I did know was that there were several holes around the property with broken concrete half covering them (very concerning to an anxiety-prone person with liability paranoia!)
Hole 3, back yard 
Hole 2, between house and garage 
Hole 1, side yard (near driveway)
I first tried (for months) to get a recommended septic guy out there to figure out if/where there was a septic tank (or just disintegrated remnants…). What a comedy of errors that was. It was very stressful, because a new tank could run ~$20k, and not only do I not have $20k, but not knowing if I was going to have to rob a bank to have indoor plumbing was driving me nuts.
After about 6 weeks of trying, I gave up on that company*, and contacted ProSeptic, out of Poughkeepsie. Their reviews were good, and their timing right: they were out there the next day to try and find the tank. They didn’t need me there. They did not need to do any expensive tests to find the location of the tank. They just answered the phone, scheduled a time, and did their job.**
Not only did they find the tank, but they identified the other mystery holes for us, too!
Hole 3: Cesspool
–status, unknown
Hole 2: Well –status, exists; clean? who knows (future aly’s problem) 
Hole 1: The Septic Tank!
-status, not too bad!
The final septic verdict? They pumped it out, inspected it, installed a riser (so it’s not a gaping hole in my side-yard***), and okay’ed it for use! All at less than 1/20th of the cost of a new tank 🙂
Now… if only we had water…
*What a nightmare.
**Seriously, terrible experience with the first company. I’m not going to identify them here, but I’m so glad I found ProSeptic.
***The only part of the yard that is a reasonable size!
Side note on the cesspool. We’re not actually sure if it is active; it may be old, or it may be the ‘gray water’ depository (as opposed to the much grosser ‘black water’ that goes into the septic tank).
Side-side note on the cesspool: I can’t hear the word cesspool without thinking about M*A*S*H* and their sailboat races on their cesspool
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